5 Easy Ways To Communicate Better in Your Relationship
I’m sure you’ve heard this saying before: communication is the key 🔑 to any relationship. It sounds cliché but it’s true. I think it’s really easy to tell people that communication is important in a healthy relationship but it’s not as easy to explain how to communicate. And if we’re never taught how to use this key, then we’ll never be able to open the door to healthy communication.
Communication is defined as a lot of things but my favorite definition includes, “the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings”. I always say I’m a great talker, but I have to also be an equally great listener in order to be a great communicator. Communication is about expressing yourself in a healthy way, listening to your partner when they are doing the same, and really hearing and absorbing what the other person has to say.
Below are 5 tips for communicating better in your relationship:
1. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Communication is not just about talking about each other’s days and saying what you had to eat for lunch. It’s about being able to dig deep and get to know this person as well as you can. It’s not always easy to dig deep, especially for those who have never been comfortable talking about their feelings. And it’s not necessary to make every conversation a heart to heart.
There are ways to do this without pressuring your S.O. to spill their deepest secrets. For example, i nstead of asking yes or no questions like “Did you have a good day?” try asking more open-ended questions like, “How was your day?” Yes, they may respond with a brief non-answer (“good”, “fine”, “the same”), but asking open-ended questions gives them an opportunity to share more if they choose to. Keep in mind that not everyone opens up very easily. Be patient with your partner if they are not sharing all the time. We set boundaries around our emotions and everyone’s boundaries are different. So, be mindful and respectful of their emotional boundaries, and they should be equally mindful and respectful of yours.
Ultimately, the more you get to know your S.O. on a deeper level, the more open and honest you may be with each other. And honesty breeds trust, which are two very important pillars of a healthy relationship (hint: communication is another super important pillar!).
Make friends with your anger
Lots of people are raised to avoid expressing any anger or upset feelings. If you grew up in a family where anger was only expressed in passive aggressive ways or if you grew up with a parent who expressed anger in scary, out of control ways, you might avoid expressing anger. These early associations make it difficult to separate the healthy emotion of anger from the unhealthy expressions of anger.
When it comes to relationships, anger tends to get a bad rap. but All people experience anger sometimes, so learning how to express it effectively in your relationship is a key communication skill.
Anger is frequently referred to as a “secondary” emotion, because it often comes in response to another feeling, like sadness, hurt, fear or anxiety. This means that when you’re angry, it’s worth pausing to take a deep breath and check in with yourself to see what you might be feeling in addition to your anger.
Taking time to check in with your feelings lets you share the full range of emotions with your partner, not just your anger. It gives your partner the opportunity to understand you better and have empathy for how you’re feeling, rather than just responding to your anger with defensiveness.
Saying something like “I’ve been wanting to talk with you about what happened this morning. I’ve been feeling angry about it, but now I also see my feelings were hurt when you walked away from me in the middle of our conversation and then left without saying goodbye” is more likely to receive an empathetic response than “I can’t believe the way you left this morning when I was trying to talk to you! Why do you always have to be such a jerk?”
Skill 3: Keep stress in check
How many times have you felt stressed during a disagreement with your spouse, kids, boss, friends, or coworkers and then said or done something you later regretted? If you can quickly relieve stress and return to a calm state, you’ll not only avoid such regrets, but in many cases you’ll also help to calm the other person as well. It’s only when you’re in a calm, relaxed state that you’ll be able to know whether the situation requires a response, or whether the other person’s signals indicate it would be better to remain silent.
In situations such as a job interview, business presentation, high-pressure meeting, or introduction to a loved one’s family, for example, it’s important to manage your emotions, think on your feet, and effectively communicate under pressure.
| Communicate effectively by staying calm under pressure |
| Use stalling tactics to give yourself time to think. Ask for a question to be repeated or for clarification of a statement before you respond. |
| Pause to collect your thoughts. Silence isn’t necessarily a bad thing—pausing can make you seem more in control than rushing your response. |
| Make one point and provide an example or supporting piece of information. If your response is too long or you waffle about a number of points, you risk losing the listener’s interest. Follow one point with an example and then gauge the listener’s reaction to tell if you should make a second point. |
| Deliver your words clearly. In many cases, how you say something can be as important as what you say. Speak clearly, maintain an even tone, and make eye contact. Keep your body language relaxed and open. |
| Wrap up with a summary and then stop. Summarize your response and then stop talking, even if it leaves a silence in the room. You don’t have to fill the silence by continuing to talk. |
Quick stress relief for effective communication
When a conversation starts to get heated, you need something quick and immediate to bring down the emotional intensity. By learning to quickly reduce stress in the moment, you can safely take stock of any strong emotions you’re experiencing, regulate your feelings, and behave appropriately.
Recognize when you’re becoming stressed. Your body will let you know if you’re stressed as you communicate. Are your muscles or stomach tight? Are your hands clenched? Is your breath shallow? Are you “forgetting” to breathe?
Bring your senses to the rescue. The best way to rapidly and reliably relieve stress is through the senses—sight, sound, touch, taste, smell—or movement. For example, you could pop a peppermint in your mouth, squeeze a stress ball in your pocket, take a few deep breaths, clench and relax your muscles, or simply recall a soothing, sensory-rich image. Each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find a coping mechanism that is soothing to you.
Look for humor in the situation. When used appropriately, humor is a great way to relieve stress when communicating. When you or those around you start taking things too seriously, find a way to lighten the mood by sharing a joke or an amusing story.
Be willing to compromise. Sometimes, if you can both bend a little, you’ll be able to find a happy middle ground that reduces the stress levels for everyone concerned. If you realize that the other person cares much more about an issue than you do, compromise may be easier for you and a good investment for the future of the relationship.
Agree to disagree, if necessary, and take time away from the situation so everyone can calm down. Go for a stroll outside if possible, or spend a few minutes meditating. Physical movement or finding a quiet place to regain your balance can quickly reduce stress.
Skill 4: Assert yourself
Direct, assertive expression makes for clear communication and can help boost your self-esteem and decision-making skills. Being assertive means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in an open and honest way, while standing up for yourself and respecting others. It does NOT mean being hostile, aggressive, or demanding. Effective communication is always about understanding the other person, not about winning an argument or forcing your opinions on others.
| To improve your assertiveness: |
| Value yourself and your options. They are as important as anyone else’s. |
| Know your needs and wants. Learn to express them without infringing on the rights of others |
| Express negative thoughts in a positive way. It’s okay to be angry, but you must remain respectful as well. |
| Receive feedback positively. Accept compliments graciously, learn from your mistakes, ask for help when needed. |
| Learn to say “no.” Know your limits and don’t let others take advantage of you. Look for alternatives so everyone feels good about the outcome. |
Developing assertive communication techniques
Empathetic assertion conveys sensitivity to the other person. First, recognize the other person’s situation or feelings, then state your needs or opinion. “I know you’ve been very busy at work, but I want you to make time for us as well.”
Escalating assertion can be employed when your first attempts are not successful. You become increasingly firm as time progresses, which may include outlining consequences if your needs are not met. For example, “If you don’t abide by the contract, I’ll be forced to pursue legal action.”
Practice assertiveness in lower risk situations to help build up your confidence. Or ask friends or family if you can practice assertiveness techniques on them first.
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Source:
https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/5-easy-ways-to-communicate-better-in-your-relationships/
https://alchemy-of-love.com/expert-relationship-advice/how-to-communicate-relationship
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/effective-communication.htm